They say when you receive news like this that the world stops. I never really understood that until now. When you get that phone call nothing else matters.
My Papa has been sick for so long. It's different to come home and talk about all of the sweet memories with him instead of the new health problem he is having. I'm realizing how much I treasure the memories I had with him. Being the only grandchild to spend time with him before he got sick is a precious thing, and I cherish every minute of it. One of my favorite memories with him was when we would pack a snack in my pink lunch box and go to the park. I don't know what we talked about, or what we did,but I remember I loved it. Or how he would walk around the house singing.Or his garden that he always kept so pristine. He never met a stranger, and he wanted everyone that he met to know that they were loved by Jesus. The more I learn about him and his past, the more I am inspired.
When I got the call about Tony, I was utterly shocked. Tony was one of the most loving people I have ever known. He loved so incredibly, unconditionally. He wasn't just a friend, he was a brother. Him and his family have loved me so incredibly much, so well. And because we were practically family, sometimes we would fight like siblings, but no matter how frustrated I would get with him I knew he loved me, and I always loved him, even at my most anger filled moments. He always wanted a hug, and always wanted people to know they were loved. His generosity and great love for all around him could break through the highest brick walls of peoples hearts. I am a better person for knowing him. I will miss his bright smile and deep love so much, but I know he is finally running in Heaven. Heck, he's probably a track star by now :)
C.S. Lewis once said, "My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself." I have seen this cultivating in me during this time. With grief, you never know what to expect. On minute you're completely fine, the next you are falling apart. God shatters your idea of Him time after time; Guiding, loving, and calling you toward Him.
Tim Keller once said this about pain and suffering, "There is a purpose to it, and if faced rightly, it can drive us like a nail deep into the love of God and into more stability and spiritual power than you can imagine." Pain is hard, it's sad, and it takes a lot of work. But these words have been comfort to me. In this He strengthens us. When you press into Him and seek Him, you will discover power and love like you could never even think to imagine.
With all of that being said, this is hard. It's sad. But I know where my Papa and Tony are. Papa is tending God's beautiful lavish Garden and Tony is Running miles upon miles. God used them both in so many incredible ways while they were here for a short time. And when it came time God spoke to them saying "well done, my good and faithful servant."
