A Transformation

 School is coming so fast! I can't believe it! In less than a month I will be in a different state with a completely different life. To say that this doesn't scare me would be an horrible lie. This is the biggest change I have ever made in my life. This is literally a leap of faith! There are times when I thought I was taking a "leap" before: going to Hungary, moving out on my own, but those things seem to pail in comparison to this journey I'm about to embark on! In a way, I feel that this fear is a healthy fear. It would be weird not to be anxious about a complete life change. I read a quote last week that read: "Making a big life change is pretty scary. But, you know what's even scarier? Regrets." I don't know who wrote it, but isn't it so true! Change is scary, even when its good! But it sure is hard to avoid it. Life changes constantly. We are growing constantly. There are stages of life, child, teenager, young adult, adult... While every stage is different for each person, we all still have to change at some point. And it seems as if the people who aren't changing are the ones who seem to be living in the most regret.
    Change and I seem to have this love/ hate relationship, I love change because it means growth, but I hate it because it's uncomfortable. Change makes me realize that I'm not in control, and although I know it's the truth, I don't always like it. It reminds me that God truly is sovereign. Change reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God truly does have a plan for our lives and most of the time it's not what we have planned. He even tells us this in Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps."
    As much as  I know these truths in my head, sometimes my heart doesn't coincide. Over the last few months I have been battling myself, so overwhelmed by change and the list of things to do that I have just shut down. My emotions, my actions and even my physical health. I have put myself in a place of just existing , not having passion for anything really. In the last month have have come to realize the place that I have slipped into and I am not ok with it! I am in a pit. This last Sunday my pastor gave a sermon about transformation. Our purpose is all about transformation! look at the disciples, you see them come to their rope, to their human limitations, constantly! And every time God transformed their human limitations into spiritual gifts! Their fear into confidence, fleeing into Endurance, loneliness into fulfillment! 
    All this time I have been so distracted on everything else, the unknown, the worry, the fear, that I haven't been focusing on God!  There is a hymn that sings, "turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace." What I really need to do is fix my eyes on Jesus. He has the answer! He knows the way! He is in control! 

A New Adventure

   Over the last couple weeks I've been thinking a lot about where I am, or where God has put me in life, right at this moment. I am in the middle of prepping to go to school in Arizona. Can I just say that again? I am prepping to go to school in Arizona!!! I truly can't believe it! I would have never guessed that this is where God was going to have me.  In fact, I used to say, "I will never move to Arizona...unless God really really wants me to". Haha! I'm telling you, be careful what you say!
   But honestly, it's truly amazing to see what God does with your life when you allow Him to take control! Ephesians 3:20-21a in the message Bible says: "God can do anything, you know-Far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it by not pushing us around but by working within us, His spirit deeply and gently within us."  This is so true! Some of the things God does in my life just blow my mind! I look back on the last three years of my life and literally stand dumbfounded by how He has moved in my life and how He has moved me, chiseled me and molded me. The opportunities He has given me and the doors He has opened for me are unbelievable! Things like serving on staff for the high school group at my church, being on the worship team, going to Hungary and Mexico, moving out and receiving my car! It hasn't always been easy, there has been some really hard, lonely times, but He has never left me. Hebrews 6:19 says, "We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain." I can personally attest to this scripture, because it is so evident in my life.
 

    My new adventure to Arizona has been a fast process yet a long process all at the same time. There's been a lot of ups and downs. It's crazy to even look back on the last few months, to see the beginning of this journey and to see where I am now, less than two months away from leaving. I am SO excited for this journey! To go to school, experience college, a new city, a new state, new people! It's all so exciting! So many opportunities! But I have to be honest, I'm really nervous too, maybe even a little scared. In a way, I'm ok with these feelings though. I mean, would it be normal not to feel this way? I am leaving everything that I am familiar with: my job, my home, my family, friends, my life... to go to everything that I am unfamiliar with: college, a dorm, a new state, new friends, and a new life. While this is all scary, it's also the best thing about it! Last year when I returned from Hungary, I started praying this prayer: God change me constantly, let me me not be comfortable, keep me uncomfortable because it is the scariest, yet most amazing feeling I've ever experienced, and I love it! Lord, move me when I don't want to be. Whatever you do, don't let me be the same. Let my life glorify you." I may not pray it as often as I did, I still mean it. I want to live my life in the death zone! To live in the dangerous wonder of knowing God And I am so excited to see what God has in store for me next!

.... "what's next Papa?"

Adventurously Expectant

One year ago I went in an amazing adventure to Hungary. It was my first mission trip, and where I found my heart for missions. I can’t believe it’s been a year already! So many things have happened, and my life has changed so much! I’ve learned a lot about myself, a lot about my Abba, and a lot about life. In the last year I’ve had the privilege to go on another mission trip, to Mexico, and now soon will be taking a crazy journey to Arizona to go to school! As much as my heart aches to be in Hungary, I know this is where God has me right now. And I’m excited for this new adventure! Nervous and a little anxious, but super excited! Maybe God will take me back to Hungary one day. But for know, I am here. And I know I have many miles and many places ahead of me. I’m learning to live life adventurously expectant! To live life in the dangerous wonder of knowing God! And I’m loving it!
” God’s spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “what’s next Papa?” -Romans 8:14-15 MSG