A Transformation

 School is coming so fast! I can't believe it! In less than a month I will be in a different state with a completely different life. To say that this doesn't scare me would be an horrible lie. This is the biggest change I have ever made in my life. This is literally a leap of faith! There are times when I thought I was taking a "leap" before: going to Hungary, moving out on my own, but those things seem to pail in comparison to this journey I'm about to embark on! In a way, I feel that this fear is a healthy fear. It would be weird not to be anxious about a complete life change. I read a quote last week that read: "Making a big life change is pretty scary. But, you know what's even scarier? Regrets." I don't know who wrote it, but isn't it so true! Change is scary, even when its good! But it sure is hard to avoid it. Life changes constantly. We are growing constantly. There are stages of life, child, teenager, young adult, adult... While every stage is different for each person, we all still have to change at some point. And it seems as if the people who aren't changing are the ones who seem to be living in the most regret.
    Change and I seem to have this love/ hate relationship, I love change because it means growth, but I hate it because it's uncomfortable. Change makes me realize that I'm not in control, and although I know it's the truth, I don't always like it. It reminds me that God truly is sovereign. Change reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God truly does have a plan for our lives and most of the time it's not what we have planned. He even tells us this in Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps."
    As much as  I know these truths in my head, sometimes my heart doesn't coincide. Over the last few months I have been battling myself, so overwhelmed by change and the list of things to do that I have just shut down. My emotions, my actions and even my physical health. I have put myself in a place of just existing , not having passion for anything really. In the last month have have come to realize the place that I have slipped into and I am not ok with it! I am in a pit. This last Sunday my pastor gave a sermon about transformation. Our purpose is all about transformation! look at the disciples, you see them come to their rope, to their human limitations, constantly! And every time God transformed their human limitations into spiritual gifts! Their fear into confidence, fleeing into Endurance, loneliness into fulfillment! 
    All this time I have been so distracted on everything else, the unknown, the worry, the fear, that I haven't been focusing on God!  There is a hymn that sings, "turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace." What I really need to do is fix my eyes on Jesus. He has the answer! He knows the way! He is in control!